Sad

 Its not an easy thing to pursue the positive when one is surrounded by negativity. I woke up this morning intensely sad. 

 Sad that I said some things to a dear person yesterday I should not have said. I do wish my cup was not full but it is. Strong emotions are something I have always had except when I am dead inside. Sometimes I cannot bridle myself when I should. I wish I could talk to this dear friend but I understand and respect their wishes.

Sad on day three since I stopped taking my anti-depressant. Yes. I stopped. Not cold turkey. That could have dire consequences. Phased it out over a two week period. Have not noticed any difference in depression level. I was depressed taking it and am depressed now. But my emotions spiraling out of control is another thing. Maybe...

Sad for my mother who is slowly but surely losing her way in this world. Took her to lunch today and then to the cemetery where Dad is buried. More sadness.

Sad because I am deeply missing my daughter. The holidays elevate the grief. 

Sad for losing my manhood after the surgery to remove the cancerous prostate. Nothing seems to work but some regain their manhood six months to a year post operation. There is hope.

Sad for other things not mentioned and won't. 

So, the walks will continue and maybe finally I will pick up the very heavy phone and call the therapist on a card I was given a month ago.

Is it January 2nd yet?