The good thing about being ill sometimes...

Are you one of those people whose mind focuses better at times when ill? I am . As unclear as my head becomes while sick, it is in an odd way more focused sometimes. ADD? Dunno. Booze and drugs did the same thing. A way of focusing albeit in a rather unhealthy manner! LOL!

Now having said that I have lost focus on what I want to blog about. LOL! Maybe because it is love and I don't know where to begin. Maybe I will begin with the Greeks. The Greeks had at least three different words for what is translated into love. That equated into brotherly love, sexual love and unconditional love. The ultimate is unconditional love evidenced by Christ sacrifice on the cross. That would be Agape.

I don't think it necessary that we go around crucifying ourselves for others. It is just the willingness to do so. Loving someone to THAT EXTENT is the deal in my opinion. But we shouldn't seek martyrdom. Naaa.. To me real love or the ultimate love wherein a person only wants the best for another and will do whatever they can towards that. Having anothers best interest at heart. And if it is real it is undying. That is where commitment comes in. Some would call love a commitment. Sounds rather sterile but closer to the truth then what is commonly thought as love.

What is commonly thought as love? That magical feeling that bubbles over inside one when one is enthralled with another? That euphoric place where all is good and happy? Is love a feeling? Isn't love more than a feeling? If love is only a feeling that would explain why it rarely last anymore. Because feelings come and go. And few believe in commitment anymore. It is more like what have you done for me lately? I will argue all day that love is not a feeling, that it is much larger than a feeling. Love is that which produces those wonderful feelings sometimes. Feelings are a byproduct of something else. Whether it be a thought, an action, a general mood, a reaction to something, or whatever. People "fall in" and "out of" love. Yet love is suppose to endure. True love is. Why are my parents still married? Because they love one another. Simple. They are committed to each other. Did their feelings keep them together all these years? No. On the contrary when they almost divorced when I was in junior high, their feelings would have had them divorce. But they loved one another enough to stick it out. Commitment. Choice. Love is a choice too.

Why am I saying all of this? LOL! It is difficult for me to use the "love" word even if I feel it. For me when I think of the love word, most of the time in my mind and heart, I am thinking of it as the "ultimate" towards another. And that is pretty serious. Quite serious. I even have trouble telling my friends I love them although I do occasionally. That should not be a problem but it is. So I under use a word in a world where it is clearly overused.

Loving for the moment is attractive in the sense that moments are what we have. Yet it is unattractive in the sense that it implies an unlastingness to me. Do we not actually have more than moments? There really is a tomorrow, not just today. Lasting moments. Moments make up time and if we are going to spend any substantial time with another and it be mutually rewarding, wouldn't both parties have to decide on that to be? Oh gawd, am I making any sense? LOL!

Sometimes we can really care about another person and care for them deeply. Sometimes much will be shared with words and otherwise and an intimate bond is formed. Sometimes feelings will be bubbling over so much that one wants to tell the other how they feel. Yet they don't. Something as important as telling someone "I love you" is best done in person. Is it fair to them to tell them without having met them yet? I am not so sure it is. Most people I have witnessed tell someone they loved them prior to meeting, didn't work out with that person. In fact I cannot think of one that did work out under that scenario. Doesn't mean it is not possible. Just that I am not aware of it.

Apparently I am right and left brained. Right now my right brain is all bubbled over with wonderful feelings. But the left is standing guard. It can be a real battle that I have a very difficult time with. And it can be next to impossible to try and explain it to anyone else. In the process misunderstandings can and do take place. I am who I am and I think and feel what I think and feel. I cannot be that which I am not.

Is there any other way?