Not having a working vehicle is taking it's toll on me. Each day I think I will get it fixed and something goes awry. Walking around the apartment complex helps but it is not the same as the two or more mile walks at the park I was doing every day. The last time I didn't have a working vehicle was in May and I was bat crazy. Bat crazy. Two weeks after I got the car fixed my daughter passed away.
Grief is something I've been acquainted with before but the grief over my daughter's passing is such a different animal. It's been almost nonstop the last two days. Yesterday morning when I signed onto social media I was greeted with a posting about her and it being the fifth month anniversary. I had actually forgotten. First time for that. The post was nice for the most part along with a beautiful photo but it tore me up and angered me in a way. The hypocrisy of the ex got(gets) under my skin. It's one thing to say something. It's an entirely different thing to practice it. I could give a number of examples to support my anger but why bother?
The holidays are closing in and I really wish I could fast forward to January 1st. Seems like my daughter passed last week. Very fresh. And I'm too depressed to call or talk to anyone. So cruise social media and watch a lot of TV but nothing helps, not even Monty Python.
I so wish I could be a part of my grandchildren's life but I can't even get a response from the son-in-law. Not one response to emails sent other than a thank you for something sent his way months ago.
There are some other things going on as well but don't feel like typing about it. Guess I just feel like having a pity party.
Depression comes in all types and degrees. When it is heavy it is heavy. It is the feeling of being defeated before even getting started so why start? Perhaps the auto will be fixed tomorrow and I can get away from this place. Something needs to happen.
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