Fall

Fall

In the fall of the year my mother finds herself in the fall of her life.  The past couple of days she has not felt well and has not been herself.  That's saying a lot since she has not been herself for some time. 

It's sad and now the holidays have begun to take us through the rest of the year. I love the month of October. It is in fact my favorite month of the year.  But the holiday seasons itself I don't care for so much anymore. Not as a single man. And this year will be sad because of Dad's passing. 

Selfishly, I hope Mom hangs on till 2023.  I don't want to climb another emotional mountain this year. I don't feel like I can. I am a bit spent. On the other hand watching Mom's decline into Dementia's insanity is hard to watch and more importantly she is scared.  She is beginning to feel lost. 

Simple instructions or exercises are no longer simple. The middle knob securing the water faucet in the kitchen gets turned rather than the cold knob.  This creates quite a leak but is easily remedied. Doors are left unlocked by her when she opens them to check on the outside world and yours truly gets blamed for not locking the door.  Most responses to most questions one can conceive of are "I don't know".  Asking an either/or question typically gets the same response. She often attempts to share a thought or say something and can't find the words. 

Yesterday and today she has held her forehead a lot. She says it's nothing more than a mild headache when I can get a response from her but then quickly says it does not really feel like a headache.  It is just a dull feeling. 

Dementia is a disease in which the brain cells slowly die. 

Living Hell.

Fall