It left me feeling empty.

 Dreams of work, dreams of ex-wives, dreams of my daughter have visited me in the recent past. And more recently I have had several dreams involving unknown women I had passions for. 

But first I digress. Walking is a healthy habit and has probably kept me alive the past year and more.  Now cats in the neighborhood are typical cats. Quite territorial and of course will not approach you like that of say, a friendly dog. I've been walking the neighborhood daily since February when Dad got ill and until the other day a particular black cat would not give me the time of day. 

But last week I once again got down on my knees and called him and to my shock the particular black cat came over and accepted petting while rubbing himself against my legs.  It felt so good. He now regularly does this when outside and our paths intersect. 

What I discovered with this cat is how starved I truly am for affection.  It has been years, many years since I've been in a serious relationship with anyone.  I'm starved for affection and didn't know it.

Digression over. Along came dreams the past few nights with unknown potential lovers with romance filling the air. Never escalating to sex yet saturated with flirting, touching, talking and smiling.  Wonderful ethereal excursions into the world of affection. 

Last night's dream was so real and blissful any words I would attempt to describe it would fall short of the reality of the dream. Just not possible so I won't go there.  But in the midst of the bliss and the escalating of emotions, I woke up.

I woke up to the present world. The world where I am still recovering from surgery. The world where I am the caregiver for my mother with dementia.  The world where attempts to sleep better with new sleep medication leaves me foggy the next day. The world where I never feel rested.  The world where I have not properly grieved yet for four people who have died in the past fifteen months. The world where I think it is 9 AM and it is noon.  The world where  I never seem to get accomplished all the many things that need to be done for the day.  

A world without physical touch or affection.

It left me feeling empty.