2021 was a pivotal year for God and me. I don't recall what I wrote about it but that's cool as I don't want past writings to influence any current ones.
A review of sorts for the year in question...
...February brought a hard freeze, power loss and a dead car battery. Unwelcome was no heat for five days. I spent the days reading and organizing while nights were spent by candlelight and a radio. Unrelenting cold provided a new perspective as I read through a book, 'Tuesdays with Morrie', in which a successful businessman visits his old favorite college professor who was dying from cancer.
Priorities. The book opened my eyes to what's really important. Now, I knew these things, but a reminder was needed, and it couldn't have come at a better time. A cold time of reflection provided a fire within me.
I recall praying to God asking Him to help me get close again AND be faithful. I was tired of my life and particularly a seesaw ride with God. I cried out for help with "no matter what it takes, bring it on". "I'm ready".
Additionally, I prayed for reconciliation with my daughter and best friend. I had been estranged from both for years. Relationships were(are) important.
March delivered sickness that made work difficult and sleep evasive. It felt like I was on the verge of another breakdown. Feeling accomplished if I could somehow work twenty hours a week, the budget went to hell. Was I going to break down again? Was I on the cusp?
April became the month of early retirement. I was calling in sick most of the time, so retirement was an answer, not seeing a doctor.
May is a blur, but I thought about ways to reconcile with my daughter as there would be plenty of time now in retirement. As for my best friend, I had no clue what to do because I was clueless on why we were estranged.
June brought the worst phone call of my life. My daughter hit the back of an eighteen-wheeler and had been killed instantly. To say I was angry with God was an understatement. There would be no reconciliation. Thanks, God.
It also brought news of a large asymmetrical prostate accompanied by a high PSA number. Yours truly didn't care if he lived or died at that point. So, he did nothing but go for walks in the park where he and his Pumpkin Pie had had their last good conversation together.
2021, the summer of walks. Walking was spent talking to God, my daughter and photography. It was rewarding but inside me there was a huge void.
October, a beautiful soul from work died, a colleague I had mentored. She was trying so hard to lose weight and needed to do so. But her heart gave out. She suffered from depression and aways tried to cheer me up when she saw I was down. A painful loss.
With hopes of a better year to come, 2021 finally ended. It had been a long year.
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