Mom and I have been fighting the past few days. We are both stressed to the max and perhaps not too happy living with one another any more. She was difficult long before the days of Dementia. Long before. To be precise, always difficult. Now that Dementia has entered the picture her worst attributes have become even worse.
At all costs I must do something to help myself or soon I won't be able to live with her. She is too high maintenance and cannot reason much anymore. And if I don't help myself, how in the hell can I help her?
Tomorrow I go to an AA meeting. Do I need it? I have no desire to drink and haven't in years. But I do think it will do me some good. Get out of myself and perhaps help someone else.
Today I almost called a therapist for an appointment but the cellphone weighed 10,000 pounds. Tomorrow, I will try to lift it again.
Thursday night I will take Mom to look at some beautiful lights a few miles from here if I can get her out of the house. So much we ever do together depends on whether I can get her out of the house.
Friday night I plan on going to an Astronomy Christmas dinner with a new club I recently joined. Not easy for this anti-social person to get out of their comfort zone. But the benefits outweigh the costs.
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The thing really eating my lunch right now above all else is the deep pain in my heart for my daughter who died last year. It's like it happened yesterday. Even though we had not talked in a couple of years I miss her, of course. I believe in the afterlife that I will see her again. Tonight I thought of how beautiful that moment will be. I long for it. I'd rather be there than here but I'm here so...
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