A history of God and Me part 14

What occurred in that hotel room I will not attempt to capture in words. Now ten years removed from that consummation and emotionally disconnected long ago, there are really no words that would begin to describe it . But later in the day something struck me. I did not feel guilty. Not toward my wife. Not toward God. Just how I felt at the time. I am not proud of what I did. I don't recommend what I did. It is not the best path out of a marriage. Relationships which originate while already in a relationship rarely last. A lesson I was still to learn the hard way.

Within a month I had left my wife and children and moved in with my new love. Fast and furious. To say we were intense is putting it mildly. Within that first month we were engaged to be married. It was a good idea that we first get divorces. So we did and then we got married. Fast and furious.

Prior to getting married I had a renewed interest in God, strangely enough. I was at times feeling guilty about all that had transpired but also I truly wanted to renew a relationship with God. Over three years sober now but I had stopped attending meetings. Had a new higher power, my elevator angel. And God was something I was seeking again. Kim(her name was Kim) and I had long talked about God. We talked about everything which was one of many things about her I found attractive. We could talk about anything. Anything. Wonderful chemistry does that you know.

Kim and I started studying the Bible together as well as praying. We started attending a church. She developed a real desire to know God better. She decided she wanted to be baptized into Christ. I baptized her that December of 97. We were married in January. The afternoon following her baptism Kim looked pleasantly preoccupied. I asked her how she felt. She said "I have never felt so much peace in my entire life". Tears filled my eyes. I felt so close to her. She and I had connected on a mental , a physical and an emotional level. And lately we had connected on a spiritual level. We were truly soul mates if there was such a thing. How we went about doing it was not the healthiest of beginnings but we were deeply close. Intensely close. We could complete each others thoughts. We could read each others minds it seemed.

At her encouragement we started teaching a class at the church we attended. We co taught a group of children elementary age. The class topic was the Ten Commandments. It was a rewarding experience and the first time I had taught a class in about ten years. It was nice to be attending church and be involved there. In the summer of 1999 when we had been married a year and a half I flat out said to her, "I guess that class on the Ten Commandments meant nothing to you!" She cried. This was said after I discovered she was leaving me for a man in England she had met off the Internet.

I was about to learn what goes around comes around. I was about to learn how to live by myself for the first time in my life. I was about to experience the emotional storm of my life. I was about to go through hell wanting to drink at almost five years sobriety. Things were happening and going to happen.

I was alone now.