Losing My Mind Part 5

 Told her I had to go. She asked me what I was going to do. Said I had to go. 

Called 911.

She was taken to a hospital, stomach pumped, then taken to a psychiatric hospital where she initially was placed in a straight jacket(according to her). 

That was Friday night. Sunday morning she got out when according to her she talked a guard into letting her go. BPD's are notorious manipulators but they are also notorious liars. It certainly all seemed too fast to me.

Monday I went to a bookstore and bought several books on Borderline Personality Disorder. I gave myself an incredibly fast education.  

That Friday(one week from her attempted suicide) I invited her to go with me to celebrate three years of sobriety at the club.  Afterwards, I confirmed I still wanted to marry her. 

Now, what sort of person would go through what I went through and not only see them again but still plan on getting married to them?  A person must be nuts to even fantasize about such things, let alone act them out. 

In less than one week both my daughter and fiancee had attempted suicide. This was what my therapist would later describe as the "war zone"  I had been through.

But yours truly now had a pretty good understanding of BPD and yours truly thought everyone deserves love and yours truly thought he could be a positive influence for good in her life. She would be ok with me. Yeah.

Two months later the divorce from the first wife was finalized. 

Three months later I married the girl of my dreams. Yeah.

Again, how can anyone do such a thing ? 

How?  

In recovery it is often said if you want to find out how fucked up you are, then just get into a realtionship.

I was majorly fucked up.