Sometimes I really miss my children. It occurred to me today that I had not even made mention of them in blog land so far. Sometimes I wonder if I use the approach "out of sight, out of mind" with my children? Not a good thing. If I think about it ,honestly I do think I avoid thinking about them to avoid the pain sometimes. Out of sight, out of mind. But I do miss them.
Just sent my daughter an email. She's 23 and the mother of a beautiful little girl of one year and four months life span so far. At 23 she has already been through so much in her life, the very good and the very bad. She can pretty much accomplish anything she sets out to do. She always has. Whether it be writing poetry, cheer leading, sports of all kinds, martial arts, dancing, her career, you name it. If she has an interest in it, she will master it and become the best at it. That's my daughter. She lives a very busy life and we don't often talk or see each other. But we have reconciled from my divorcing her mother back in 1997. For many years she was angry at me. There may still be a residual there but she rarely shows it anymore. I miss her and I do love her.
Also have two sons, one 20 and the youngest 12. I feel odd typing their names on the net so I will refer to them as "20" and "12". "20" also has been through much already in his life, both good and bad. Much of the bad was self-induced. I am hoping he continues on the clean path he is on now. He is a good kid with a great sense of humor. Unfortunately he is too much like his father at times but hopefully those days of excess and protest are over. One way he is like his father is he often does not return calls. LOL. He can shut down and become quite silent without notice. Returning a phone call seems to be a big event for him sometimes. I use to take it personally. I don't anymore. I often don't call people back. I often don't email people back. I don't even talk to my own parents as I should. So how can I expect him to be any better? Tonight I will call and leave a message for him. It is time to at least do that. Past time.
Then there is "12". He has a huge sensitive heart. He reminds me so much of my daughter at times and has since he was an infant. I missed most of his childhood due to the divorce in 97. He was born in 95. He is quite athletic and a natural at anything physical. Yet if you look at him wrong he can be reduced to tears in a second. He still gives me hugs and I cherish them. Heartfelt and sincere I soak them up. He is in transition now out of childhood and developing new interests. So many of his old toys or games he no longer cares for. Life goes that way. I need to call him. He has his own cellphone now. Time for a call...I do miss him and his brother. I love them both. Sometimes it is difficult for me to show it...
Out of sight, out of mind...
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2 comments:
You know....
I am not sure I have ever told you this before. I really care about you. I really do. Like... a lot. It's so hard to speak it and one always feel slightly awkward, as though one should be shuffling one's feet.
But that's not how I mean it. I mean it like this:
if you were here I would envelop you in a great big hug and there would be nothing you could do about it :-) A big hug with a few warm pats on the back.
That's how I feel about you, my dear friend.
Thank you Zooty for your kindness and comment. I don't really know how to respond to it, which is embarassing somewhat. I appreciate you and your friendship, and you are an inspiration to me. :)
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